Week 39
Work
I said I wanted to learn more. Well, I need to be careful what I wish for. I’ve shown that I’m good at doggy paddle when plunged into unfamiliar waters, so they’ve pushed me into the sea of treacle that is payment systems, to see if I can still float there. Reflection: I’m confident my work will be good enough. But with so little domain knowledge, it won’t be great. And I just have to get over myself. Doing “good enough” in any one thing is honestly optimal because anything more than that comes at too high an opportunity cost when there’s so much to do and everyone has to muck in.
The realistic optimist in me is going to keep reminding people of the risks they’re facing. The risks don’t go away just because a decision-maker deleted the risks paragraph in the submission. It feels almost negligent of me to let the bigger risks fall off the radar. Reflection: I’d rather take those risks head on than pretend they’re not there. So I have to accept the consequences of that for relationships - and hope that people just find me irritating, rather than believing I’m trying to make things harder for them.
A team I’ve been on the periphery of is coming to an end as it merges with other teams to grow in size and scope. I was invite to a team retro this week and very much enjoyed the time with them. Reflection: It was a privilege to watch this team reflect on its achievements, and honour the time they’ve spent together and their shared identity, through what felt very much like a memorialising ritual. I want to remember this and adopt it myself when I’m in similar circumstances in the future.
Home
Dentist appointment. My teeth are fine. But E has an orthodontic referral as she’s kept some of her baby teeth 2-3 years longer than they’d expect and her mouth is getting overcrowded. I wore braces (bottom) and a retainer (top) for four years in my teens and I hope she doesn’t have to.
Drama. E asked if she could audition for a show last weekend and, not having anything else to do, I said sure. Hers was one of a handful of successful auditions from that day - and we promptly got an email outlining precisely what it was we’d signed up to. 15 rehearsals in November and 50 performances during December (many during school hours - and the theatre is not near her school). I’m not worried about her grades suffering because she’s doing fine and isn’t in a GCSE year - but she’s going to be tired and cranky and stressed. And her father and I are going to have to juggle all the logistics of getting her to and from performances multiple times a day during our working days. Whilst both of our jobs ramp up in pressure because of projects each of us has on during November and December. All whilst we’re negotiating our separation. Reflection: we’ve discussed it and we feel it’s important enough to E, and a great life learning opportunity, that we want to support it. It’ll be hard for us all, and I’m sure there will be arguments. But we’ll make it happen. In the future, I’m not going to agree to an audition until I know much more about the commitment on the other side of it. I can’t believe I did that. What a mug!
Learning: I went to a lecture at Conway Hall - Life Lessons From Historical Women. It was to celebrate the launch of a book by Eleanor Morton. I picked E up from school and we went together on Thursday night. It was a roomful of middle-aged women, a handful of men (most dragged along by their partners), and E. And, being the fierce feminist that she is, she loved it. She even asked a question: which historical woman from the book would each of them like to see on the fourth plinth at Trafalgar Square? E came out of the event raving about it - she’d forgotten how weird she’d felt walking through London on a school night in her school uniform - and she’s eager to go to another event at Conway Hall soon. Result. Reflection: I’ve been doing quite a bit with E recently, and as mentioned am committing a lot of additional time and energy to supporting her performances in November and December. So I need to remember to carve out some specific Mummy-and-Z time. I can tell she’s already feeling neglected, so need to fix that sharpish.
Podcast: I’ve been listening to Sherlock and Co podcasts this week - enjoying them very much as long as none of my family are in the room. They seem to believe it’s fine for them to just talk to me while I’m listening to a podcast. As if, somehow, my ears and brain are capable of monophonic input and I won’t miss a key plot point whilst they’re babbling on about what’s for dinner or who stole whose favourite pencils.